My TravelBlog

As requested, this will not be a post about my recent trip to Hawaii. It will not be about meeting the Turtle Guardian's up on the North Shore. It won't be about how it is actually not possible to drive all the way around the island. It will not be about the Stairway to Heaven (Haiku Stairs) or the Sugar Mill ruins or the Boys Convalescent Home. It will not be about binge drinking or laying on the beach. It will not be about how amusing "Beetroot" sounds in the Queen's English.

This is about getting into uniform vs. getting dressed at all. Celebrating a job well done vs. celebrating the ABC's. Listening to the Top 40 vs. listening to Pandora's Toddler Radio. Coming and going vs. diaper bags and strollers. Being appreciated for a job well done vs. a thankless job well done.

For the last two weeks (give or take) I got to be, as my dad so nicely put it, a professional. I suppose that is true. I did put on a uniform and report for duty day after day after day. I got to leave work every night with no responsibility except that I had to show up on time the next morning. That's not incredibly difficult. As much as I missed the little ones and as much as I missed John, I really enjoyed going to work. I enjoyed socialising and learning. It was mentally stimulating; something I have been missing for a couple years now.

I have always been the "career" type. I thrive off achievement and possibly even off over-achievement. I thrive off of perfect. Every. Thing. I. Do. Must. Be. PERECT. I have worked hard to get perfect grades. I got my degree in 4 years while working for Uncle Sam full time. I networked, I learned, I trained. I set myself up for perfect success. To what? Stay at home?

What an argument to make. John, on the other hand, would do anything for me to stay at home all day everyday doing a thankless job that isn't and can NEVER be perfect (which is actually kind of depressing for me since this is the ONLY thing I do day in and day out). Not that he doesn't support my goals, he does. Its just that he likes to have me home. Fair enough. I clean. I do laundry. I care for the kids. And if he's lucky, I'll cook. And if I'm lucky, he'll eat it!

How selfish is all of this? Or is it? I worked hard for a reason. And I honestly didn't work hard to stay at home and let my mind waste away. Sure, I could read lots and lots of books. But I don't even think I could do that! Who can read constantly interrupted with Toddler Radio and chattering or whining babies in the background? I am hoping that working (which I will most certainly consider "me time") will be a big help. Maybe it will bring me that satisfaction of achievement so that I am not so worried about whether the dishes are on the left or right side of the sink. I will have reached my personal achievement for the day and I will savour and cherish every minute with the family. instead of getting angry with everyone for undoing everything I have done for the day...that would be ideal.

I am essentially just confused about what I want to do. And, hopefully, when we get to Hawaii, I will be able to figure it out. If I can work the same hours as John I won't be taking away time from him. The girls would be in CDC which, from my tour, is a pretty structured environment. We'd have a little more saving money. And I would get the satisfaction of achieving SOMETHING on a daily basis. Learning SOMETHING on a daily basis. Getting out of the house...etc...all the benefits. So, when we get where we're going, I will give it a shot. And maybe I will fail miserably. And if its too difficult to be without babies 24/7, I will stop working. It really is as simple as that.

I have lived my life as a problem solver. Always making sure that if one door closes I have about 80 more that I can go through. I have tried to balance everything so that I have to make minimal sacrifices and still have it all...that is what I intend on doing...however I do it.

I am a mother. I am a wife...but I am still ME. And its time for me to recognize this and do something about it.

Nobody takes you seriously when...

Normally, when I walk in a crowded area, people tend to move out of my way. I dont think it is because I look mean or whatever. I just think I walk really fast and stare straight ahead, so people naturally move out of my way. I never really thought about this until today. I get to travel alone and I decided I would be clever and bring a pillow and a blanket for the flight (it has greatly benefited me thus far). And all of a sudden, nobody moves. Nobody avoids my path. Nobody even sees me. I think that carrying around a  pillow and blanket makes me look lost, and vulnerable. And nobody cares. So fine. It isnt a big deal by any means, I just think that people dont take The Pillow seriously. Fine.

It has been a long travel day. I spent the night at the USO in Raleigh where they graciously posted a sticky note to my recliner so the Voluteer working that night would remember to wake me up. The chances that I was actually going to fall asleep were low, but they were so eager to be helpful, I couldnt  let them down. Either way, I got up at about 0345 and got ready and went to check into the flight(s).

Turns out, SATO never actually booked my flights because they had the wrong expiration date for my GTCC. Probably my fault. I wasnt panicked at all because if I didnt get a flight today Id get to see and surprise John tonight when he arrives back in NC! That would have been fun! :)

But, being a good navy girl, I called the number on my orders and had flights booked within 5 min. Same flights, more or less. So no biggy. First flight from Raleigh to Charlotte was short. Too short. I wish it had lasted a couple hours more because the flight was empty and I was able to sprawl out (and by that I mean I was able to curl up enough so my feet didnt hang off) accross all three seats. The plane looked brand new!! The little service lights were a subtle pleasing blue color, the seats didnt have nast butt prints or grease stains, and the trays and carpet were spotless! 

We arrived in Charlotte where they forced me off the plane even though I was styaing on it for my next flight. Cant they just clean around me and let me sleep? Rude. lol Flight to Phoenix (hooray, I spelled that right on my first try this time!) was fine but FULL and I was in a middle seat. Sigh. But the guy to my right was ubber skinny and slept the whole time, and the lady to my left was elderly an so stinkin nice. I actually enjoyed talking to her. And for those that know me well enough, I dont really enjoy random conversation. I know. Im a brat. Is it weird that I dont like random conversations but I like to blog? Whatever.

Now I am sitting at the USO in Pheonix enjoying a free meal and not enjoying Prickly Pear Chocolate (gross, AZ, gross). 

HAWAII BOUND! ALOHA FOR NOW!

Gratitude

Well I am not sure who to thank first? My Mother (it is her birthday today!) for being the best, EVER! My Husband (pampered me today to an ALL DAY Spa Day as an anniversary gift) for being the best, EVER! Or Candice (who watched the girls ALL DAY today so I could go be selfish and get pampered) for being the best, EVER!

Lets start with the woman who brought me into being. Because, of course, she is to thank for pretty much everything in my life!

Dear Mom,
I just want you to know, on this very special day, that you are my angel. You are my hero. You are everything I hope to be as a mother. You are a strong woman. You support your husband with a humble yet sturdy heart. Your love for your children is unwavering, no matter what dumb things we may have done to break your heart. You not only raised me..you LOVED me. And you showed me what love really meant. What it meant to be good person. What is meant to make good decisions. And you were there to let me know what it meant when I made bad decisions, too. Being a new mother, I can only imagine how hard those moments must have been for you. But you did it anyway, and without hesitation. You are the kind of women I hope to one day be. And I hope with all my being that my little girls will look up to me the way I look up to you.
Love,
Your (one and only) Daughter

My Loving Husband,
You never stop surprising me. No matter how far away you are, you always seem to know what I need and when I need it. Even if it is against my will sometimes. I want to thank you for being so patient with me over the past two years of marriage (plus a few months before it). You have been so graciously loving and caring, even though I know I didn't always make it easy for you. I want to thank you for reminding me that I am not ONLY a mother but that I am a women. A women that deserves to be taken care of. A women that deserves to feel pretty...to BE pretty. You are an amazing AMAZING man...And I love you very much. I cannot wait to see what life throws at us next (because...who are we kidding, things are THROWN with aggression, not handed over nicely)
Much Love,
Your Wife!

My Dear Friend Candice,
What can I say? I didn't think I would be able to make friends here. At least not one like you! I am so glad you happened to be my neighbour! And that you happened to have a little princess, too! There is something very special about making a real friend. As we both know, those don't come around very often. You have been ever so willing to help out when we are in need (which seems to happen often), even when you probably don't actually want to. Thank you for being so gracious and loving as a friend. Thank you for your words of encouragement as well as your words of honesty. I know I can count on a true opinion even if I am not going to like the answer...I am going to miss you and your little one! But, hey, who DOESN'T want to vacation in Hawaii!?
Love,
Your Pesky Neighbour.

These arrived at the spa during my lunch!

A Dog...Exactly That.

I honestly believe that it is important that, if you want an animal, you should get an animal well BEFORE you have children. Why, you ask? Because, before children, your animal is, essentially, your child. Other than yourself, that animal is the only other living creature that consistently has your full attention and love. You will do anything for your animal (lets just say dog?). Take your dog everywhere. Spoil it. Love it. Let is sleep with you on the couch, or in/on the bed! Bathe it regularly, play with it ALL the time, take it on walks…Well, guess what? Those are all things you do when you pay attention to your own children. You love them unconditionally, you put up with all the yucky stuff because they are oh so worth it and oh so cute! You bathe them daily, you spoil them, you take them on walks, they go with you EVERYWHERE…and, in a baby carrier/Bjorn, they are essentially like one of those tiny little puppies in a puppy purse…Its the same idea. Except kids are way better than dogs..obviously..

When you have a child PRE-dog, the dog is just that. A dog. A dog that doesn't need your undivided attention and doesn't need to be spoiled from sun up to sun down. A dog can be outside in the rain and get scolded for ANY mess that it makes…A dog is a dog. They have survived in the wild for a few thousand years (or whatever) and they will be JUST fine..

But thats just it; dogs, I believe, DO need all that love and attention as if they were your child.

That is why we should have gotten a cat.

How to be me..? Right.

So, I was sitting down writing a "guidebook" for the girls (+dog) and the house. I am going out of town  for a couple weeks and we flew my wonderful and lovely mother out to care for the kiddos, the house, and (I suppose) to feed my husband ;) . After I finished writing, I thought it was rather interesting how easy it was to write down all the little details about the average day. Thought it might make for an interesting blog post...not to mention I am watching Adrianna purposely fling herself off the couch, crashing onto the ground, and laughing hysterically. Or maybe she is doing that weird laugh where she should probably be crying but instead she is laughing like she is clinically insane..This started a couple days ago and, to be honest, it kind of freaks me out.

Anyway...the day (and a couple funny videos). Sidebar: I kind of think that telling someone else how to care for your children is like asking your mother how she makes "that one dish". Mom does her best to write down every important detail..but there is something about a mother's touch...Lets be honest though, after reading the directions, it doesn't sound that hard, does it?

Poppy

Food: Fill bowl in the morning. That should last all day.

Water: Normally I fill it fresh every morning

Crate: Fully crate trained. Feel free to put her in her crate for any reason. I have had her in there for about 8 hrs (other than sleep) if I am out of the house.

Bathroom: First thing in the morning, two more times during the day, and right before bed. I just let her out and, ALMOST always, she will come back to the door within 5 min or less. In the mornings, I will usually let her out before I get the girls. I will get the girls changed and dressed and then let Poppy back in the house to eat.



Rebecca

Food: 8oz 3x a day (usually first thing in the morning, after her morning nap, and around 6pm). 1-2 jars of food a day. Feed whenever. She can eat fruits through her “fruit mesh feeder” and some are soft enough to eat without it. She will also gnaw on soft veggies or bread.

Drink: She can have water or VERY watered down juice

Sleep: Wakes up between 0730-0830. Goes down for a nap between 1030-1130 and sleeps for a couple hours and down at about 1600 for another nap. She goes to bed between  1930-2000

Bathroom: She doesn’t poop every day. She wears “nighttime diapers” (in the closet) for overnight (heavy wetter)

Hygiene: Bathe every day or every other. Clean ears often (she gets lots of wax) and brush teeth. It is MUCH easier to bathe her in the sink. She has a lot of trouble with water going over her face and head and she thinks she is choking. So I find it easier when I can control the strength of the stream.

Behavior Notes: She has been having trouble falling asleep so I have been giving her some cuddle time before I put her down. I think she might be teething. She loves her jumper. Also, if she is upset, the dog usually makes her happy right away.



Adrianna                                                                                                                                    

Food: Eats breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Sometimes she skips lunch because of a nap so I just give her a snack before dinner.

Drink: Milk for breakfast and juice/water throughout the day.

Sleep: Wakes between 0830-0930 and naps at the same times as Rebecca. Naps are not required, but they are suggested.

Bathroom: She poops at least once a day and is learning to notify when she is about to or is going poop. Take her to the potty seat if you want to!

Hygiene: Bath daily or every other. She LOVES to brush her teeth throughout the day. She also loves to clean her ears. She likes to bathe in the sink, too. But it really doesn’t matter. Whatever is easier for you.

Behavior Notes: Pacifier is only if she is lying down or going to sleep. She sits in a normal chair and should ask permission to be excused before she gets up. She likes to ask for a napkin and will clean her hands, face, and table. If you are cooking or prepping, she shouldn’t be in the kitchen. She can normally clean up after herself and can clean up her own room (more or less). If you tell her something is “rubbish” she will throw it away. She will also put dishes in the sink. Sometimes she gets confused between the sink and the trash, so keep an eye out for things in that trash that shouldn’t be there. She will probably follow you everywhere and shut all the doors in the house. I have little kid movies you can put on for her if you want to. She doesn’t like veggies but she will eat the mixed veggie baby food that I give Rebecca. She will eat green beans, corn, and sometimes broccoli and cauliflower. She LOVES: fruit, eggs, goldfish, string-cheese, milk, juice, raspberries, blueberries, popcorn, and toast.



The House

Will be clean upon your arrival

Trash goes out on Tuesdays

Turn AC off if unneeded

Differences Between The First Child and The Second

I know I am practically SPAMMING your FB and E-mail with two (now three) posts today....sssoooryyy. But, if you appreciate humor as much as I do...read on and carry on...This post is so RIGHT ON that I can't help but share it..

I love my kids :)

15 Differences Between The First Child and The Second

1. Celebrating
-The first child: When we were expecting our first child, people celebrated me as though no woman had ever had a baby before. I was showered with gifts and attention by family, friends, family friends and friends of family friends’ dogs. Upon arrival of the baby, visitors crowded the waiting room and lined up around the block. You have never seen so many homemade lasagnas in your life.
-The next one: Umm…where did everybody go?

2. Documentation
-Your first child: Photo documentation began before my pregnant belly was even visible and continued weekly (more like daily) throughout the first two years of our daughter’s life on the outside.
-The next one: Any pictures that captured my second pregnancy were inadvertent until near the end, when we decided we had better take a few shots on purpose just to prove it happened.

3. Illness
-The first child: The baby was sniffle free her whole first year of life.
-The next one: Due to the infectiousness of her older sibling, now in preschool, the baby has had a runny nose since the week after her birth. She can see us coming with the snot sucker from across the room and it takes all three of us to hold her down to use it.

4. Time Management
-The first child: There was no time to do anything but care for the baby. Outings were carefully timed so as not to anger the gods of Nap. I could not commit to any plans without a caveat regarding the likelihood of my cancelling them, because one day’s schedule could not predict the next.
-The next one: I cannot conceive how I ever felt busy caring for only one child and though I continue to respect naps, it would be impossible for me to make the world stop spinning in order to always accommodate the baby at the exact moment she is ready. (By ‘the world’ I mean my preschooler, by ‘spinning’ I mean spinning.)

5. Nursing
-The first child: I had great big hopes that my breasts would rebound post nursing.
-The next one: All hope is lost. But I’m still pulling for pelvic realignment.

6. Attentiveness
-The first child: We rushed to respond to night time crying for the baby’s sake.
-The next one: We rush to respond to night time crying so that she won’t wake up her sister.

7. Cleanliness
-The first child: The baby got a complete wardrobe change upon receiving the tiniest drop of spit up.
-The next one: Wipe slobber and spit up off with other parts of the clothes she is wearing, the clothes I am wearing, rub it off (or rather in) with my thumb, dangle her so she launches it onto the ground. In short, use whatever method of cleanup is most handy and carry on. Spit up and slobber are nothing compared to what her sister uses to dirty clothes. Exponential laundry increase is one of the great shocks of having a second child.

8. Development
-The first child: We encouraged motor skill and ambulatory development. Praised all accomplishments.
-The next one: Have strapped to the floor with duct tape knowing what difficulties baby mobility brings. I try every day but still cannot physically move in two opposing directions at once. Once the baby starts running around, I will have to decide which child to sacrifice in order to chase after the other.

9. Safety
-The first child: Any baby proofing done was to protect from the dangers of the house.
-The next one: How could anyone think a house is dangerous compared to a three year old? This baby climbs the stairs by herself on the way to her daily sibling self defense class.

10. Closeness
-The first child: I wanted to hold her all the time, she was my first. Her sleeping on me was bliss and I had the leisure to doze at random with her at any point during the day.
-The next one: I want to hold her all the time, she is my last. Her sleeping on me is rare because her sister does not recognize my right to be still.

11. Productivity
-The first child: On the weekends the family ran errands together. It seemed we had all the time in the world and every trip was novel. There were two of us and one of her…nothing could impede our progress.
-The next one: Divide and conquer. This took a few trips to figure out. Inevitably, one of us would have to make an emergent potty run into a store with the toddler, while the other sat in the parked car nursing the newborn. This left no one to accomplish the errand. (To ease your suspense, it was me in the car.) As I write this I realize that during the week, I run the errands by myself with both girls. Hey wait a minute, that’s not fair…

12. Organization
-The first child: The house became increasingly scattered with baby gear and toys. I was excited when she grew out of all those clunky baby gadgets such as the activity mat, exersaucer and high chair, until I realized bigger kids have bigger stuff.
-The next one: Minimal adult possessions remain. However many attractive receptacles I can find, they are not enough.

13. Benefits
-The first child: Had the benefit of all my attention. Good thing because I had no idea what I was doing.
-The next one: Has the benefit of my experience. Good thing because I am busy explaining to her sister why she doesn’t get all of the attention anymore.

14. Life Impact
-The first child: The shock of parenthood was tremendous and the realization that I couldn’t turn back was scary like I swallowed a boulder and jumped off a bridge.
-The next one: Times two.

15. Lovability
-The first child: Brought the most powerful of all love into my life for the first time.
-The next one: Brought the most powerful of all love into my life for the first time, again. (My apologies if the sentiment makes you throw up in your mouth, that is just the way it is.)

Baby Sleep Advice...Thank you Andrea

This essay deserves its own post...And some entertaining sleeping baby photos at the end. Enjoy!

Like many exhausted new moms, Ava Neyer read stacks of books about baby sleep. But nothing seemed to work for her twins, now 5 months, one a night owl and one an early bird. Every new expert offered a different solution -- and what's worse, they all seemed to contradict each other.


"Don’t let your baby sleep too long, except when they’ve been napping too much, then you should wake them. Never wake a sleeping baby." Does "expert" baby sleep advice make your head spin?
Neyer poured out her frustrations to friends in her mom's group in a hilarious rant, one that will strike a chord with any mother who has ever paced the floor at 3 a.m. with a wide-awake baby, thinking "WHY WON'T YOU SLEEP?!" Posted on a friend's Tumblr, Neyer's essay went viral on Reddit and has been making waves in the mom-blog world.

"I didn't expect people to like it as much as they did!" said Neyer, 31, who lives in Fort Bragg, N.C. She's still struggling with sleep issues, but her experience has taught her to take all advice with a grain of salt. "A lot of it is learning to read your children," Neyer said, rather than reading books.

Neyer's brilliant take on expert sleep advice:

"You shouldn’t sleep train at all, before a year, before 6 months, or before 4 months, but if you wait too late, your baby will never be able to sleep without you. College-aged children never need to be nursed, rocked, helped to sleep, so don’t worry about any bad habits. Nursing, rocking, singing, swaddling, etc to sleep are all bad habits and should be stopped immediately.

Naps should only be taken in the bed, never in a swing, car seat, stroller, or when worn. Letting them sleep in the car seat or swing will damage their skulls. If your baby has trouble falling asleep in the bed, put them in a swing, car seat, stroller, or wear them. Use the crib only for sleep and keep it free of distractions. If the baby is having trouble adjusting to the crib, have them play in it first. If the baby wakes up at night and wants to play, put fun toys in the crib to distract them.

Put the baby in a nursery, bed in your room, in your bed. Co-sleeping is the best way to get sleep, except that it can kill your baby, so never, ever do it. If your baby doesn't die, you will need to bed-share until college.

Keep the room warm, but not too warm. Swaddle the baby tightly, but not too tightly. Put them on their backs to sleep, but don't let them be on their backs too long or they will be developmentally delayed. Give them a pacifier to reduce SIDS. Be careful about pacifiers because they can cause nursing problems and stop your baby from sleeping soundly. If your baby sleeps too soundly, they’ll die of SIDS.

Don’t let your baby sleep too long, except when they’ve been napping too much, then you should wake them. Never wake a sleeping baby. Any baby problem can be solved by putting them to bed earlier, even if they are waking up too early. If your baby wakes up too early, put them to bed later or cut out a nap. Don’t let them nap after 5 p.m. Sleep begets sleep, so try to get your child to sleep as much as possible. Put the baby to bed awake but drowsy. Don't wake the baby if it fell asleep while nursing.

You should start a routine and keep track of everything. Don’t watch the clock. Put them on a schedule. Scheduling will make your life impossible because they will constantly be thrown off of it and you will become a prisoner in your home.

Using the "Cry It Out" method (CIO) will make them think they’ve been abandoned and will be eaten by a lion shortly. It also causes brain damage. Not getting enough sleep will cause behavior and mental problems, so be sure to put them to sleep by any means necessary, especially CIO, which is the most effective form. CIO is cruel beyond belief and the only thing that truly works because parents are a distraction.

Formula and solid foods will help the baby sleep longer. Solid foods shouldn’t be given at night because they might wake the baby. Don't stop the baby from nursing when asleep. Be wary of night feeds. If you respond too quickly with food or comfort, your baby is manipulating you. Babies can’t manipulate. Babies older than six months can manipulate.

Sleep when the baby sleeps. Clean when the baby cleans. Don’t worry. Stress causes your baby stress and a stressed baby won't sleep."

Did you lose sleep trying to figure out all the expert sleep advice when your child was a baby?